Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
