glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
