Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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