Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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