the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
