The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
