I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
