Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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