and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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