WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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