I just cut my nipple shaving
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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