Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
