my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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