You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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