if only i could text you this smell
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
