I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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