On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
