It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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