Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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