I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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