i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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