eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
