i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
