I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
