I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
