i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
