The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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