Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I cut my penus on the lid.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
