So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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