Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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