You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize