i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
