I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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