when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize