batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
