It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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