Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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