Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
