i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
