is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
