She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
