Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
