Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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