His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
