wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize