we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize