there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
