I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
try to milk me bitch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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