He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
