i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
