Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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