Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize