Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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