I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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