Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you didnt know i had herpes?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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