I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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