The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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