we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
