remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
