There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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