i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
