If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
