You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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