Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
