My friends, they love my intelligence
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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