she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
this is an emotional support booty call
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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