I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
