Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
