and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
