he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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