In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
